Moving On

Since I met this guy, almost two years ago, I've obsessed over him and have made myself feel worthless because I wasn't "enough" for him to like me back. I was confused at his mixed signals and I would go on and off into liking him again. I could never find the way to forget about him,  because the feelings would come back and I would fall for him once again. I feel like this is the breaking point. I feel like I've tried multiple times and he just doesn't see how much I like him and Its not worth to waste my time anymore. I need to face the fact that he does not feel the same way and move on with my life. I am done with overthinking and feeling like shit after I text him and he just doesn't text back. I'm over it. I am worth so much more than that. I am creative, outgoing, and optimistic, and I won't let this bring me down. I'm better and stronger than that. I need to realize that it's time to move on. I never wanted to listen to my friends, I felt like they just didn't understand, but now I am finally seeing what they meant all along. It should not be this complicated. If they truly like you, they will try, but if they don't, it was just not meant to me. I needed closure, and I feel like that last text was a way for me to finally know the truth. It's going to take some time for me to stop thinking about him, but time heals everything, and I will be okay. 

Life Changes: Healthy Eating

This quarter I've tried to focus on my health and nutrition by working out regularly and eating better. It's important to keep a balance between healthy and happy vs. completely obsessing about everything I consume and becoming really unhappy. I've noticed that I've developed a good body image and I have started to appreciate my body. It is really hard when we have always struggled with our weight and our inner demons. Although people may say something, I think another, and it comes a constant struggle to be happy. I've genuinely been really happy this quarter and things have been great. I've been seeing the nutritionist at school and my roommate also challenged me to go days without consuming processed sugar, which has given me the encouragement to continue with my healthy habits. I feel myself getting stronger and I have noticed the definition in my arms and legs and the strength I gained. Although the number of the scale has not really moved, I feel good knowing I'm developing muscle and that I'm eating food that is good for my body. I've also been doing good in school and I think my GPA will go up significantly this quarter. Life is just great and I couldn't be happier :)

Material Things

Growing up has really taught me about the lack of importance in material possessions and how objects do not make one's live happier or more fulfilling. People obsess about the latest iPhone, laptop, car, or shoes, spending thousands of dollars a year on objects that are bought in hopes of filling a void in one's life, that will never be filled. You won't be happier for camping out to get the latest iPhone 6s, or staying up on Black Friday to get the latest deals, if one is unhappy and depressed, material things will never help you deal with the real problems in your life. As a teen, we think buying things will make our life better, alter our appearance per say, and make us look happy, but it's not true. Once you spend the money and you have the item that you were desperate to buy for so long, it soon becomes another unimportant possession in a collection of many objects that have become worthless in your life. You won't realize it until you have what you always wanted, and realize it made no difference in your life, because then later on you will  find something else to drool over until you buy that item also; it is a never ending cycle of consumerism that just adds to capitalism and the growth of major corporations that already own about 90% of media and businesses.

I know this personally because a couple months ago, I was obsessing over some Nike Roshe. I would go online and just sit there and look and pictures of them, I would admire their appearance and hope to find a deal for them online. Soon after I bought them, they just became another pair of shoes I owned. I would not wear them a often as I once did, they just sat in the closet in that bright orange box. Now I realize, they are just shoes, expensive shoes that made no effect in my life, and honestly now I  realize I would not care if I did't have them anymore of if I gave them away, it was just a phase, a need to buy them. 

Material Possessions will never fill the void of unhappiness. Go out and find REAL happiness. Once you achieve that real happiness, it does to matter what time of shoes you own or what phone you have, because you will always be genuinely happy :)

Life Change-Working Out!

I have decided to challenge myself and work out regularly for an entire month. I always start of great, running and working out, but my motivation dies out and after about a week, I just stop completely. Not this quarter. I have challenged myself to work out minimum of 2-3 days a week, and if I can, more. I want to prove it to myself that it can be done and I want to see results after all the handwork I do. I will also refrain from eating fast food and unnecessary junk food and fats. It's gonna be a challenge, especially keeping a clean diet, but with time, my workout routine will become easier. I have enjoyed these two past days so far. I have worked out, and even taken a class, and I am having a great time. I look forward to this change in my life and I hope I see results that motivate me to keep this healthy lifestyle going. I have also noticed that working out has helped boost my mood and self-esteem, so it's a win-win situation. I'm happy..I'm sore..but I'm happy.

Overthinking

When you become infatuated with someone, it is hard not to get carried away and overthink every interaction you have with them. Especially as girls filled with so many emotions and feelings, we can easily replay a moment a million times in our head with different reactions and things we should've said instead of what we actually did say, it is a nightmare; our mind just ponders on past experiences and creates doubts on the smallest things. We get so caught in our head, and it gets in the way of us establishing relationships with others. It's complicated, but I'm learning how to deal with my feelings and to think logically about situations.

Summer Reflection

Summer, a time to enjoy nature and the outdoors; a time to travel and discover the world; a time to overthink life and grow weary. Summer is bittersweet, as it gives me a lot of time to do things, which in turn is a lot of time used for nothing. Summer is a time when I stay home for weeks and deal with the outrageous heat, when I sleep utterly late, watching Netflix non-stop, and contemplate life. This summer was actually way more productive than last year, when I spent two months in Mexico staying indoors and becoming depressed, at least this summer I have slept sometime outside out and about. I got the chance to go to Mexico and travel to the beach, go a couple times to the beach here, attend a free concert, and multiple parties. While my summer was not super productive, at least I spent my time doing something. When I begin to compare my life with others, I begin to grow sad and depressed, in a never ending road to sorrow; but I have learned to realize that doesn't do anything, the life events of others are completely irrelevant and they should not effect the value of my life. I've learned to cope with these feelings, and I have learned to not let it affect me anymore. I don't care. I don't care if others went to Disneyland or Florida, or Sea World, it has no impact on me, as long as I spent time with my family and enjoyed myself, this summer has spent right. I regret nothing I've done this summer as I await school to start in about two weeks, in which I am not really for, I've never been a big people person. I really need to learn how to socialize and hang out with people. I seriously need more friends, REAL friends. School should be fun.

Paying Bills

I should really learn after this to pay my bills on time, before I get charged like 3x extra again. I didn't realize the bank had charged me an overdraft fee on my account, not once, but three damn times, which was a total of over $100. My lack of responsibility caused this, while that money could of been used for gas or something important. It really irks me, but hopefully now, after so many times, I  learn my lesson and stop doing stupid shit. I need to learn to pay things on time, because if I don't, there will be consequences, much worse than the actual thing.